People are often disappointed on Valentine’s Day because they have grand visions of what would make them feel loved but the fail to share them. The same thing happens on teams: we know what we want, but we don’t communicate it and, instead, set colleagues up to disappoint us. Here’s an alternative to falling victim to the Valentine’s Day Effect.
“Help me understand what you’re trying to achieve.” Once upon a time, I encouraged you to use this phrase as a signal that you’re not connecting with someone’s point and you need them to clarify. Sadly, too many closed-minded, judgmental, passive-aggressive jerks commandeered “Help me understand” and now it’s a weapon. And that’s not the […]
Something a little different today. Rather than a post, I’m bringing you an interview with the marvelous Mark Bowden, a world-renowned body language expert. I had the opportunity to talk to Mark about his new book, Truth and Lies, What People are REALLY Thinking. The book is full of tips on how to interpret body […]
We got talking about expectations in a session I was facilitating last week. The conversation was like a giant projective test; quickly exposing the participants’ core ideologies about people, and relationships, and trust. Some of the people around the table talked about the power of the self-fulfilling prophecy and how setting lofty goals can inspire […]
I keep encouraging you to wade into uncomfortable conversations as they emerge to avoid racking up conflict debt. Rather than deferring the topic, or talking only with those who agree with you, it’s best to get the disagreement out in the open. When you do, the point is to find a way to get on […]